Letting Go

The past couple of weeks have been rough...

School started... and then my grad classes started... and it just made things busy... lol

But in the middle of all that... my pastor's been going through the book of Colossians. We've been working through for a while now...

So the last few weeks have been about letting go of things. Making God center and allowing Him to have control of your life.

And then we had a girl come speak who's getting ready to go on a mission trip, and at one point, she was talking about letting go of things... but sometimes having to pray, "ok God... I know I need to give this up... but You gotta pry my fingers apart... cause I just can't seem to let go of it."

As pastor's been talking, God keeps putting His finger on different aspects of my life. He keeps asking for more of me. And when Sarah came to speak... it kinda brought everything together as a "ok... I've prepared you... I've waited for you... it's time that you move and let Me take control of these things."

So leading up to this week, that was the goal. And I spent a coupla days in prayer, just for that.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell...

So this week, we had a fiasco at the school... just huge issue came up again and I was in the middle... again... and I was frustrated with the situation and frustrated with how things were going, and by Wednesday... I was so tired and exhausted that I just wanted to give up. I just didn't care anymore... I was too tired to fight...

And so Thursday morning... everything was kind of culminating... and I was kinda freaking out... not gonna lie...

Normally, I plug my ipod into the car on my way to my second school... but for some reason, my radio was on... and I just left it on. (Gotta love KLOVE) Like 4 songs in a row were about letting God take over. The first was Steven Curtis Chapman... I can't remember all of it, but part anyway:

"I'm diving in, I'm going deep, in over my head I wanna be, the river's deep, the river's wide, the river's water is alive, so sink or swim I'm diving in."

And I cried all the way through it... Cause that had become my prayer. Ok God... help me take the dive. Cause I don't do well with insecurity. I like to be in control. I like to know what step I'm taking next. But it doesn't always work that way... ya know?

So that was the first one... and 3 successive songs after that were just as heavy on my heart.

It was pouring the rain... like so heavy I could barely see... and I'm sobbing and still trying to drive to get ot my second school... all the while just gradually letting God take the reigns...

By the time I got to school... I was kinda drained... and the situation escalated... and at one point, I was so mad I was shaking... and so I went and called my pastor so he could have the church pray over the situation... and you know what... by the time everything came together... God took care of business.

And not just in that situation... but in a couple others as well that were just kinda smaller worries.

So I was reading Psalms this week for the bible study... and I got to 139 and wow... that just hit so hard... cause yeah... God does see us. He knows our every need. He knows exactly what we need and exactly WHEN we need it. It might seem like the last possible second... but He knows exactly what He's doing.

So... my prayer for this week are those last 2 verses...

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me along the path of everlasting life."